Alone. –adjective (used predicatively)
separate, apart, or isolated from others: I want to be alone.
to the exclusion of all others or all else: One cannot live by bread alone.
What a sad word that is. Sometimes I see it and can’t help but pause, reflect, remember that it is exactly what I once craved; Complete and absolute solitude.
Sadly, we don’t realize how clever Satan is until we find ourselves in the light and take the opportunity to look back at the deception we allowed ourselves to wallow in, the whispered lies reaching deep into a vulnerable heart and wrapping dark tendrils of untruth around our very existence.
Because I was abused, I believed that I was unworthy to experience what others had. I didn’t think it was ok to smile, be joyful, and bask in life because I had been broken and continued to feel as though the pieces would never be put back together.
Each day we self edit our life narratives, picking and choosing which memories to share and which to hide in the dark corners of our minds. Eventually, those corners become full, overflowing and spilling into our presumed happiness. I say “presumed” because hiding the memories means we haven’t yet learned to give them over and let His hands cradle the pain.
I can only wonder how many others like me, (those like I once was), are out there? How many women are huddling under their secrets, afraid to let go of what has become their normal and grasp the light rather than shrink from it.
Are you clinging to the shadows? Do you wake up each day wondering why you’re even bothering to open your eyes? I remember those days so well. I want to remember so that I can fully appreciate what I now have. The good news is that I no longer have to carry the burden of pain myself. I have given my cares over to God’s loving hands and am flying free for the first time.
Are you ready?